____________________________________ On Hiatus ___________________________________

Friday, May 7, 2010

Can You Tell Me How The View Got to Sesame Street?

Ok, so The View jumped the shark this morning.

Elmo?  For real?  Seriously?

I've been a long-time fan of The View, from the beginning when there was that blond girl before Lisa Ling?  Yeah, I remember that.

And I remember when Dick Clark tried to do a take-off to give the male point of view on female topics.--It bombed.

Not that I thought Dick Clark had a bad idea, just bad follow through.  I don't think he, or the producers got what made The View so exceptional.

When The View first began, it presented a formidable group of professional women to offer educated opinions in a male-dominated field.  It's not even a matter that of the feminine perspective, but the opportunity to see women give a voice to important, or even merely interesting topics.  These women weren't just pretty faces, either.  Helmed by its creator, the renowned Barbara Walters gave The View the voice of history and and authority, having done most of the major interviews of the past century.  Meredith Viera, and soon Lisa Ling, offered the insightful views of investigative television journalism.  Star Jones brought a law background.  And while all these women could certainly be entertaining in their own right, Joy Behar rounded out the ensemble with a comedienne's well-pointed sense of timing and humor.

But apparently when Dick Clark tried to bring The Other Half to television, he couldn't see past the premise of a group of women talking about current topics.  As a counterpart to this intelligent and highly educated group of women, The Other Half offered Dick Clark, Danny Bonaduce, Mario Lopez, and Dr. Jan Adams, who was soon replaced by Dorian Gregory.  In case you weren't counting, that's a DJ, an actor/DJ, an actor, a plastic surgeon, and, um, oh yeah, an actor.

Not that I don't love Dick Clark, a veteran of the entertainment industry--But I look to him when I want to find this week's Top 10 on the charts, or when I need an end-of-the-year countdown.  He's not my go-to guy for current events.  Danny Bonaduce is great, but he is most noted for going from a hit 70s show (The Partridge Family) to being a troubled child star battling addictions, to a troubled adult battling addictions.  A.C. Slater, um, I mean, Mario Lopez, now a co-host of the pop-gossip daily TV show Extra, is otherwise famous for his tenure on the show Saved By the Bell.  Granted, Dr. Jan Adams, was/is a doctor, and I in no way mean to take away from the value of what plastic surgeons do, but I resent that this show's one professional member was picked blatantly to re-enforce shallow stereotypes about women's image concerns.  Dr. Adams was rumored to have been uncomfortable with his role on the show, and left soon thereafter.  And to fill the vacancy left by the only professional presence--Dorian Gregory, best known for his character on the long-running series Charmed.

When I saw The Other Half, I didn't see men making a legitimate effort to address issues and concerns facing women, but a cast of actors and entertainers, mocking the very audience they sought to procure.

So when Lisa Ling was replaced by one of the cast-mates of Survivor, I was a little hesitant.  When Meredith Viera was replaced by Rosie O'Donnell, I was a little reluctant.  When both Star Jones and Rosie O left amidst controversy, and were replaced by Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd, an actress and an actress/comedienne, I thought the end was near.

However, Goldberg and Shepherd have become a pleasing and much welcome addition to The View.  The two seem to have finally filled the holes left in the show by previous departures, and add not only bring educated and insightful "views" to the show, but also complement the chemistry between the other hosts.  I've even come to realize that Elisabeth Hasselbeck, not always my cup of tea, brings valid opinions to the table.

The great thing about The View is that they address such a wide variety of issues, from news, government, and policies, to fashion, health, and gossip--Nothing is off-limits.

But this morning, after a personal interview with former heavy-weight boxer Mike Tyson, and a topical piece on the unending trouble women have with their undergarments, they ended the show with Elmo sitting at the table promoting 'his' new DVD, which of course everyone in the audience got a copy of.  Honestly, all of the hosts looked mortified to have to sit there and pretend that this puppet had something interesting to say.  And I've got nothing against Sesame Street (although I'm a Snuffleupagus fan and I think Elmo is overshadowing the rest of the ensemble...).  I even think that there are valid segments that The View could do with Sesame Street and its characters to show to promote its merits and causes, chiefly the value of education.  But the only thing that puppet was doing on the show this morning was hawking a DVD, mercenary advertising pure and simple, and everyone involved should be abashed for such making such a crude mockery of two very influential shows.

What would Mr. Rogers say?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Head, meet Trunk

I'm famous for my injuries, for my falls, bruises, cuts, and scrapes.  To this day, I still have trouble cracking the knuckle of my left index finger.

Although, in part, I must say that I do love telling a good story (even at my own expense), but also if I'm going to get injured, I want proof.  Not horrific, disfiguring proof, but something small that will elicit sympathy.

Now I may or may not end up with a thin one-inch scar above my left temple along my hairline.  We'll see.  For the moment, it's just a semi-fractured scab that curves down at the bottom.

And how did I get it?  The story isn't that impressive.  I was moving something from the backseat of my minivan to the trunk.  Yes, I knew the trunk was open, because I opened it.  And also, because I was trying to put something in it.  So, my only excuse is that it was 3 in the morning.  I took the bag from the back seat, shut the door with my hip, rounded the van's back corner and ran my head smack into the door of my trunk.  Actually set the bag in the trunk and closed the door, before proceeding to press both my hands to the injured area and beginning to say, "ohgodohgodohgod," over and over again, for probably about 15 seconds.

As I previously mentioned, I've run into things before.  No big deal.  It hurts.  Walk it off.  The end.

Until I took my hands off my head and saw blood.  Blood?  That's a whole other story.  Blood means crying.

Reapply hands to head.  Start to breath quicker, interspersed with tears, as if a precursor to hyperventilating.  Walk back upstairs and into bathroom as quickly as possible.  Remove hands.  Check wound.  Blood running down side of face?  Yes.

And it still hurts.  My head is throbbing and it's still bleeding.

Damage assessment?  Clean the wound; apply pressure.  I'll have a headache, but I'll live.

But first, call Mom.  4 am here?  6 am there.  Yea time travel.

Cry on phone and hold bloody side of head away from phone and at the same time try to explain to Mom that I have a concussion and remote chance of brain damage.  Curious Sibling enters room to see what the fuss is and helps Mom assess actual damage over the phone.  Sibling tries to wipe bleeding forehead with dry paper towel--Everyone knows it should be dampened first.  Mom suggests tylenol and lots of ice to keep down swelling and pain.  Mom predicts I will live.  And have a headache.

Breathing returns to normal, freak-out over, and tears subside.

I know I would've been fine, but there's just something that is so much more reassuring and comforting to hear it from Mom.

I've avoided washing my hair for two days, but I may have to go out in public again soon.  Will the shampoo sting?  Will the water wash away the scab?  Will it open it up and bleed again?  The scab is still very much tender to the touch, which I know from my frequent urges to touch it and see if still hurts.  I'm usually grateful for the strong water pressure in my shower, but now I'm a little nervous.  Also, I'm pretty sure my highlights need to be retouched.  Soon.


Bacon and Eggs

Had a long road trip this weekend and Sibling thought it would be nice to have bacon and eggs before we left.

Sibling made a cute little reminder on her phone's calendar.  Set the alarm for 3:00 am, May 1.  Alarm goes off.  Sibling makes eggs and bacon.  (\__/) is happy.  All is good.

Four hour car trip, with an hour-and-a-half stop for lunch, a 16 minute nap in a gas station parking lot, the time it takes to eat an ice cream cookie sandwich, and two rest stops, somehow turns into eight hours later.  Don't ask me; I don't do time-warp math.

And for some enchanted reason, Sibling's phone has become super-obsessed with bacon and eggs.

Acknowledge reminder.  Check.  Physically go back to appointment and undue alarm.  Check.  Turn off alarm. Check.  Turn off alarm again.  Check.  Delete the freaking appointment.  Check.  Power down the phone.  Check.  Physically take the battery out of the phone.  WTF!?!?!

Yeah, for real.  And every time the alarm goes off, it says it's scheduled for every 15 minutes.  Does it go off every 15 minutes?  No.  Thank God (in an honestly thankful way, non-blasphemously way).  We'd go crazy.  It doesn't even go off regularly; it could be an hour and a half, 3 hours, just random.  Bacon and eggs.  All weekend.

Sure, we'll take the phone in, now that we're back, and get it checked out.  But Sibling will probably never cook breakfast again.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Do I LOOK like I work here?

What up world?

No.  Seriously.  What's up?  Ever since I moved to CA, people have asked if I work here.  Everywhere.  Home Depot.  Wal-Mart.  Safeway.  The 99Cent Store.  Target.

Am I just super approachable?  Do I just give off that retail vibe?

Let me just mention that NONE of these times was I ever wearing an orange Home Depot smock (and one of the employees actually mistook me for a coworker), a blue Wal-Mart vest (or navy blue and khaki, which seems to be the new dress code), tan and black, a 99 Cent ginormous button, or red and khaki.

In fact, as I've most recently been in the most horrendous process of moving and have packed/not washed most of my clothes, I've mainly been wearing the exact same thing to ALL of these stores.  I call it my Simon Cowell phase, because I don't have to worry about matching when everything is black.

So, do my black track pants give me away?  My black t-shirt?  The black fleece vest I wear because it's the only thing that's clean and has pockets?  My mp3 player with headset?  The sunglasses?  Possibly the teal sport sandals that have a 99% chance of walking out the door whenever I do?

As I have actually worked at many retail places during my unrepentant youth, I will change my clothes or wear a parka in sweltering weather before I walk into a store in any ensemblage its employee dress code. Also, sandals are a big no-no.  Even though my Keens are technically not open-toed, they do not pass muster.  Smart employees learn quickly not to leave the break room without a jacket; otherwise you can't make it to the parking lot without a hundred questions.  I love to help people.  When I'm on the clock.  But there's only so much wiggle room we're talking about a half-hour lunch or a 15 minute break.

And did I mention the greasy pony-tail?  Not my proudest feature.  Normally I take great care in my appearance, but with all the packing and unpacking...let's put it this way, I just found my deodorant.  So yeah, if I was working, I would have showered, and used deodorant.  But no, I'm in the middle of stuff and need to run out to the store for whatever, so I just throw on the cleanest thing I have handy, add a quick coif, and book it.

Ok, so I'm pretty sure that your futon will take a full sheet set.  Mushrooms are in the second-to-last row.  And actually glassware is down the next isle.  By the way, Home Depot, I'm still waiting for my check.