____________________________________ On Hiatus ___________________________________

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Do I LOOK like I work here?

What up world?

No.  Seriously.  What's up?  Ever since I moved to CA, people have asked if I work here.  Everywhere.  Home Depot.  Wal-Mart.  Safeway.  The 99Cent Store.  Target.

Am I just super approachable?  Do I just give off that retail vibe?

Let me just mention that NONE of these times was I ever wearing an orange Home Depot smock (and one of the employees actually mistook me for a coworker), a blue Wal-Mart vest (or navy blue and khaki, which seems to be the new dress code), tan and black, a 99 Cent ginormous button, or red and khaki.

In fact, as I've most recently been in the most horrendous process of moving and have packed/not washed most of my clothes, I've mainly been wearing the exact same thing to ALL of these stores.  I call it my Simon Cowell phase, because I don't have to worry about matching when everything is black.

So, do my black track pants give me away?  My black t-shirt?  The black fleece vest I wear because it's the only thing that's clean and has pockets?  My mp3 player with headset?  The sunglasses?  Possibly the teal sport sandals that have a 99% chance of walking out the door whenever I do?

As I have actually worked at many retail places during my unrepentant youth, I will change my clothes or wear a parka in sweltering weather before I walk into a store in any ensemblage its employee dress code. Also, sandals are a big no-no.  Even though my Keens are technically not open-toed, they do not pass muster.  Smart employees learn quickly not to leave the break room without a jacket; otherwise you can't make it to the parking lot without a hundred questions.  I love to help people.  When I'm on the clock.  But there's only so much wiggle room we're talking about a half-hour lunch or a 15 minute break.

And did I mention the greasy pony-tail?  Not my proudest feature.  Normally I take great care in my appearance, but with all the packing and unpacking...let's put it this way, I just found my deodorant.  So yeah, if I was working, I would have showered, and used deodorant.  But no, I'm in the middle of stuff and need to run out to the store for whatever, so I just throw on the cleanest thing I have handy, add a quick coif, and book it.

Ok, so I'm pretty sure that your futon will take a full sheet set.  Mushrooms are in the second-to-last row.  And actually glassware is down the next isle.  By the way, Home Depot, I'm still waiting for my check.

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